Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
