GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
