every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
