The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
