he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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