Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
