Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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