I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
