I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My bed smells like the plague
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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