you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize