I CAN MOONWALK!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
My apartment stinks of burning failure
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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