If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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