i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
