need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
