doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
