We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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