I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
