Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
