You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
