there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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