I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i love accidental penises.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
