her facebook's as public as her vagina
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
