a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
