I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
