I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
