i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
