Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
