Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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