I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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