You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
