halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
