Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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