i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You are the jesus of drinking
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
