do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
