he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
