i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
