if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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