i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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