Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
