did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
