I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
