Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
