I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
