it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
