I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
MIDGETS
????
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
