also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
