I could make wine with my vomit
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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