sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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