talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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