with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
