then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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