think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
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i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
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I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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