No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
