and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
