I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
just tell him i said nine months
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
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