a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Everything about him screamed your future.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
