Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
