I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
