i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
