Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
