I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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