**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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