He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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