the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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