I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
