I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
