Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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