I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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