after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
nutella sex= disaster
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
