There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
