Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
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I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
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the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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