What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
