i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
